REPULSE THE MONKEY

The BOULDER FARMER'S MARKET (around 13th and Canyon) on Saturday mornings is the place to be. You can find real farm grown food (unlike say, the Chestnut Hill farmers market). Most is organic of course (this is Boulder), and a lot of real good stuff to eat. After sampling a ton of stuff, I settled on this $4 tray of Vietnamese slaw - a pile of cabbages with a sweet-sour, fish sauce dressing, topped with shredded chicken, thai basil, mint, vietnamese hot cilantro, chopped peanuts, and all the SAMBAL I wanted to dish on top.

After shopping around, tasting more cheeses, peaches, salsas, chocolate, gluten free brownies, I settled on some Red Wagon Organic Farm tricolor beets, 3 ears of sweet white corn (picked this morning), a round of Haystack Mountain chèvre and a crusty, yeasty, seeded baguette. Thought I would bring it back and make a little vegetarian dinner of corn and a roasted beet salad with chèvre and candied walnuts.

Bob yelled at me for spending my own money.

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ROCKY MOUNTAIN NATIONAL PARK

OMG Bs&Gs, it's a $20 entry fee now !! I tried not to let it upset me as I think of where my taxes are going instead of to the national parks. Yes, I now own GM and some BANKS (as do you) and the next time I take a loan to buy a MALIBU, I'll remember to thank myself. Unfortunately, that will happen on the 4th of NEVER (to misquote a song line). So let's leave that train and answer the question...

What does the $20 entry fee get you?

For me this time, in addition to a good feeling of supporting the national park system, it bought me 2 hikes - one in an alpine meadow to a snow field, and a second along the Ute trail, taking me to some close encounters with elk - and some time in a July snow shower.

That and a renewed appreciation of the beauty of the Rockies, which I had lost in the 16 years since I've been here.

Oh yes, and also for your entry fee, is a sometimes, tortuously slow trek through the park due to the ubiquitous presence of the American Tourista. You can see them here in this picture, walking up a set of steps from the parking lot to a predefined spot for looking at the view and snapping pictures

CAUTION - OPINIONATED COMMENTARY with SARCASM follows.

If you are weak of spirit, lean way too far left, or are someone who may become offended by the possibility of uttering the phrase "Wait, that's me he's talking about", you may want to scroll down to the next section

The American Tourista (homo cluelessian) is a bizarre but common animal who is currently native to all parts of the United States and in all prime, commercial vacation destinations on this planet. He and she often sports a glazed set of eyes and mismatched clothes. Some ride noisy Harleys and if "lucky", you may see one leaving a tourist gathering lot without his rider (also know as his "chick"), because he forgot her, and pulling in front of a pickup truck driver who looks confused too, and who makes a face but stays silent (perhaps intimidated?). The Harley bikers who have chicks on their backs will often be seen with a camera attached to the chick's appendage, jutting out at a right angle as they ride through the park. This is not well understood, but it is assumed that the chick licks repeatedly at the scenery and that there are googols of uncropped, unedited, and largely unseen pictures, uploaded on various computers and Flicker accounts around the world.

The tourista also has the annoying habit when driving along Trail Ridge Road, and if seeing something of interest, simply slowing down and/or stopping in the road to take it in - totally without regard for the line of cars behind him. Anyone following (e.g., me) can no longer look at anything else but the back of his car, because it may do anything at any time as the driver indulges himself. And when one finally pulls over into a lot, he must do it without a turn signal. Number one rule of being a tourista - it's all about ME.

It has also been observed that when tourista park and jump out, they will often express amazement at how the cheese doodle bag has expanded to the point that they are afraid it is going to explode. Then they open it up and while some eat the contents, the others laugh like its the funniest thing since Hee-Haw went off the air.

SPECIAL APOLOGY HERE to anyone who has been reading along in agreement but also found Hee Haw to be funny. I'm just going along with what my research department tells me is the consensus opinion of 18-65 year old non

touristas.

What's nice though, is how easy it is to get away from the touristas. All it takes is to stop at any pull-off that isn't an obvious stopping spot (i.e, with signs, large numbers of other cars, rest rooms, etc.) and a short walk over a hill to an open mountain meadow, where it is untrod and quiet - except for the birds and the wind. A spot where lichens and alpine flowers grow, and snowfields without footprints are still present. Another option is to hike along a trail for more than a mile, at which point you will lose them all and maybe find others who search out the same stuff you do. On these trails, it is good at some point to go off-trail and follow an elk path until you get to a spot where it feels right or you are feeling winded or maybe concerned that you may walk into a bear. Then head back and let the elk come up to you for a photo shoot.

Or find a path through the undergrowth to a rushing mountain stream. Put your hands in the ice cold water and move some of the bigger rocks to look for big gold nuggets (none that I saw today). But sifting through the debris at gathering points, you may find clumps of quartz with bright shiny stuff in them - some of which may actually be chunks of silver or gold or something else metallic (hopefully not lead). I plan to ask my soon to be PHD son for a quick test to assay for gold and silver.