BUILDING A ROOF - BY THE NUMBERS

In the mid 80s, I built an addition on my house. As much a solution to a space problem as a response to a primitive driving force (man must build), and with the assistance of my kids, wife and other family and friends, it came to be and we enjoyed living in it.

Over the years however, things happened to make me want to make significant changes. The section of the roof that was flat never took on the upper deck I envisioned. Instead, it became a continual maintenance effort. The other section of roof with the large roof windows began to break down too as one by one, the insulating vacuum between the double panes of glass failed. And it was not soon after that that rain water began to leak into the roof.

So it was time to do some more building.

Last summer, an assemblage of my children, family and friends took on the main section, replacing the flat roof with a 4 in 12 pitched, trussed roof, in 2 days. Sure it took another 6 months to complete the interior, but the main effort was completed in an efficiency driven weekend.

This year, I didn't want to trouble others so I took on the smaller section myself - and I completed the exterior deconstruction, redesign and construction in 4 1/2 days. Educated as a mathematician, and often prone to counting things as a form of "entertainment" (alright, it might be a little OCD too), I offer you the following summary of my effort.

23 - (estimated) number of times my head glanced the incoming electrical lines

0 - number of times I died by electrocution (ahh! the magic of insulation)

1 - number of mosquitos killed while extracting blood from me

3 - mosquitoes that got away with a free meal

1 - time I walked into a temporary support structure that I installed - not surprisingly, this number corresponds with the number of bloody gashes in my forehead

17 - approximate number of minor new holes, cuts and slits I put in my hands and arms

1 - number of times a branch of the friendly hemlock tree blindsided me and whipped across my eyeball

1 - number of 82 pound packs of shingles that I carried up, unopened, on a ladder to the roof, before I changed my strategy

3 - number of times I said "holy shit" as I carried the bundle of shingles

1 - extra trip to Lowes needed (for more roofing nails)

36 - total number of hours spent in 4.5 days, working on this phase of the project

2 - number of guests appearances made by helper bees to assist in small but critical ways (Sharon, Sue)

10 - number of RITALIN I should have taken to keep me focused and to avoid errors due to mental distraction, fatigue, whatever

1 - number of RITALIN actually consumed

5 - number of errors I corrected or talked myself out of

1 - number of problems I said, "fuck it" to

16 - combination of ibuprophen, aspirin and naproxin consumed to stave off tooth pain during the project

1 - number of root canals I had on the monday following the project completion

0 - number of times I banged my thumb with the hammer (hey, this was not a 3 stooges episode)

2 - number of times I did yell out due to something physically bad happening to me

5 - (at least) number of totally gruesome things I visualized, which involved self maiming and/or trips to the emergency room - but avoided through good technique but also because of the awareness raised by my visualizations

10 - number of fingers still remaining at the end of the project in spite of the amount of sawing performed

1 - number of supernatural, time slowing, ninja-type moments I experienced as I moved my head faster than the high speed nail that shot toward my face when I mishit it

3 - number of times a nail in a board at the wood supply area snagged and ripped my jeans before I took my hammer and smashed the ever living shit out of it.

1 - pair of jeans tossed in the trash at the end of the work

I know at this point, you're expecting something like... "satisfaction at the end... priceless", but actually, I'm just tired and cranky and trying to recenter myself, so I can finish up all the little nit-wit stuff (and inside work) that is necessary to complete the project.