GIVING UP SWEET TREATS FOR LENT - Reflecting back on day one

Something had to be done.

My life had spiraled out of control and into a non-stop feeding frenzy of Godiva pecan turtles, chocolate chip cookies, sticky buns and mixed berry-cheese danish from Metropolitan bakery. Add the fact that I have the ability to whip up almost anything I see from scratch - such as that lemon pound cake at Metropolitan, or the maple nut scones at Starbucks, and you begin to see the problem.

At my last physical, my doctor told me that my blood work showed a glucose number that was nudging toward "pre-diabetic". I know they like to throw labels around freely, but it was still disturbing - especially to a person with a body-mass index that has always been in the excellent range. So, almost on a whim yesterday, I decided to give up sweets for lent.

I knew it would be difficult. I've seen my habit increase over the past year and I've seen my efforts to trim my habit fail. So, cold turkey is had to be!

Thank God, Sundays don't count (1).

Day 1 - Ash Wednesday

Holy cow! Day one was even harder than expected. I'm not a big meat eater but perhaps it was the triple whammy of fasting and going meatless along with my denial, that made the day so dark and empty. The morning went well enough, but lunch deteriorated from a semi-sensible assortment of dried fruits, cheese and bread into chips from the bag, honey roasted peanuts and scotch.

The slump that followed carried my depression through the evening and into an early bed.

And then there were the dreams. A road trip with my wife through the South, dedicated to eating. We had a list of places - delis, restaurants, bakeries - that I had gathered from past experiences and readings, and we stopped at each of them, filling bags of incredible take-out food. It soon became obvious that we bought way more than we could eat while on the road - something that occurred to me around the same time I remembered 2 other places that we HAD TO VISIT THAT DAY.

The dream ended when we drove the golf cart (where'd a golf cart come from?), filled with the food, through a river (huh?). Everyone else was doing it and I vaguely remembered that it was part of what we had done before. But still, I wondered if it was good for the golf cart. We were floating (mostly) but having difficulty keeping the cart above water and on an even keel.

The second dream was worse. It occurred around 5:45, just before I woke,

I was in Switzerland, having travelled there specifically to eat chocolate. At the candy store, the display of treats was overwhelmingly attractive. I asked for some Lindt dark chocolate - extra bittersweet. Since I came all the way to Switzerland for this chocolate, I figured I should get more than just what I was going to eat on the spot, requesting 2 pounds (Why not a kilo I wonder now that I am awake?). The woman reached in, past the coconut doughnuts and various truffles and chocolate covered dried fruits to reach for my candy - while telling me that they no longer called it extra bittersweet. She told me the other name but I wondered why I should care since I was dreaming, I would never need that information again and she had what I wanted anyway. She handed me a box of candy but instead of the chocolate I asked for,  I found a wild (and spectacular) assortment of all the good things they had, including those mini frosted doughnuts. It was captivating but where was the chocolate?

The woman explained to me that the chocolate was at such a premium, they could only give me one small piece when I ordered 2 pounds. The remainder would be made up of other candies - sort of as filler. If I wanted 2 pounds of chocolate, I would have to buy enough total sweets to accumulate the 2 pounds of chocolate.

And she went on and on, explaining to me the rationale and the finality for their approach, and endless justifications, and reasons the decision was irrevocable, as only the Swiss can, including details on the cost to make the extra bitterweet variety - 18 euros a pound (again, no gram-speak?).

And I'm thinking, how long is this going to go on and when can I start eating my chocolate?

Waking around 6:00, I spent the next 15 minutes ruminating on these dreams, trying to make some kind of sense out of them, while searching for the power to pull myself out of bed. A torturous start to day two.

One down, 39 days and how many more junkie-dreams to go?

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(1) Do the math yourself... Ash Wednesday through Holy Saturday WITHOUT sundays is 40 days. With them, it is 46.