RECIPE FOR GROUNDHOG MEATLOAF

• 1 -2 lb. ground groundhog
• ground pork (optional)
• garlic
• onion
• 1 carrot, shredded
• juniper berries, smashed
• 1-4 chipotle peppers, deseeded and finely minced (optional)
• bread crumbs
• 1 egg
• ketchup
• red wine (I wouldn't use anything too fancy here)
• worcestershire sauce
• parsley (optional)
• salt 
• black pepper

Serves 2-16

This recipe, first published in the Larousse Gastronomique (the bible of French cuisine) has also appeared in the Betty Crocker Cookbook (country edition), but has since gone out of print. I came across it at a yard sale in the Poconos.

Note that this is not city cooking, so amounts are not detailed and vary according to local availability and your own personal taste. If you can't deal with this level of imprecision, just go to the store and buy a frozen groundhog loaf for your fancy-schmancy microwave oven.

Instructions

Pour some vegetable oil in a pan. Finely chop the onion and add it to the pan with the carrot and at least 6 garlic cloves that have been smashed. Saute until translucent. Remove from heat and allow it to come to room temperature.

Place the groundhog in a large bowl and sort through the meat to remove anything that looks like a bone or a tooth or a claw. You might want to wear gloves. A certain amount of bristly hair is unavoidable (and some say, desired for digestive purposes). I recommend you use 100% certified, shadow-seeing ground groundhog meat (available at Whole Foods stores, and various other delis in and around Punxsutawney). Be sure to use only certified ground hog. Other purveyors add up to 20% other rodent (*) and/or unidentified road-kill meat as filler. [(*) Yes, in addition to "the other white meat", there is "the other rodent meat", which includes squirrel, rat, field mouse and in some countries, nutria.]

Add pork if desired. The addition of pork definitely changes the flavor, but it also adds juiciness and some say, a complimentary flavor component. Remember, although it's "the other white meat", it is still in the hog family.

Lightly whip the egg and pour over the meat, then add all other ingredients. Season with salt and pepper to taste and work it all together with your hands. Form into loaf (optionally, shaping it into the figure of a prostrate Punxsutawney Phil).

Place on a baking sheet that has a rim (to catch all the juices) and put into a preheated, 350˚ oven. Bake for at least a 90 minutes to kill all the parasites. But if after an hour, your house fills with the yummy aroma of roasted rodent, and your family is drooling uncontrollably and you can't wait any longer… hey, it's your life.

Serve with any remaining, chilled Iron City lagers. (Best to have been drinking the first case while you were preparing the meal.)

Chefs Notes 

In some areas of the country, the meat may be labeled "ground woodchuck" or "chicken mc nuggets". Don't worry, it's the same stuff !

Most people say they can't tell the difference between shadow-seeing ground hogs and the regular kind, but I say, you eat with more than just your mouth and taste buds. So, go for the real stuff, even if it is more expensive.

The worcestershire sauce adds a certain something that can't readily be identified and elevates the dish in flavor and depth. It also allows you to think its the worcestershire you're tasting.

Remember, you don't want ground chuck - you want ground phil.

I apologize for the quality of the picture. It is the only know picture of this dish in existence.

Lastly, there is a rumor going around the internet that the company that sells shadow-seeing ground hog meat to Whole Foods, uses a technique where they flash a bright light into the groundhog pen immediately before processing. This has never been proven in any court of law and we all know the internet is full of outlandish rumors and contrived stories - what some might term, utter BS. I wouldn't believe any of it.